Do not even take nor leave you? Don't look for explanations, it's just a game.

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Do not even take nor leave you? Don't look for explanations, it's just a game.

Today he overwhelms you with attention and affection, and tomorrow he ignores you. Or he suddenly disappears after a sincere and emotional communication. And then you start to get agitated and ask yourself: did you do something wrong or is the person you sympathize in trouble? Don't you understand what happened and are you confused? Well, you just became a participant in the manipulator games.

We are talking about contrast games, through which the manipulator tries to attract the victim's attention, to provoke emotions and feelings and to make her emotionally dependent on him. Why? Some people play to manipulate or control a relationship. Others - to get rid of boredom and capitalize on self-esteem.

Frequently encountered in love relationships are the games "Chance", "Today Tomorrow", "Disappearance" and "Postponement of the meeting", according to the author of several books in the field of NLP, Anvar Bakirov.


"Chance" is about cultivating hope. The manipulator expresses his interest in a person through non-verbal and verbal messages, but at the same time remains inaccessible. He does not act or allow her to approach him.


"Today-tomorrow" reflects a contradictory attitude. One day the manipulator is attentive and generously offers emotions, and the next day he is cold, irascible and distant. At the same time, he does not make any claims or offer explanations, and the victim begins to blame himself.


The "disappearance" occurs suddenly when nothing foretells it. The manipulator is open, sincere and affectionate, and the interaction is harmonious. Then suddenly he is no longer available - he can't talk, he is always busy, he has problems to solve urgently. The manipulator returns later, as if nothing had happened, after which, after a short time, he repeats the script.

Postponement of the meeting

"Postponement of the meeting". First of all, we are talking about the planned meetings, postponed at the last minute. The manipulator innocently announces that an unpredictable situation has occurred. The game also involves delaying the establishment of a meeting, repeatedly, under different pretexts.

Contrasting games are enticing in that they are unpredictable, provoke curiosity and trigger beautiful emotions or, as we say, “butterflies in the stomach.” As a result, the victim always begins to remember the manipulator and justify his contradictory behavior. In this way, she falls in love and becomes emotionally attached to him. "To fall in love, it is enough to constantly think of the same person," says Anvar Bakirov. This is the point of contrast games, to make the victim always think of the manipulator.

If at first they seem fun, then at a long term these games create psychological discomfort for the victim, strongly affect self-esteem and generate states of apathy and depression.

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